Freedom Isn’t Free

So, continuing on with skewering America’s Funniest Homeland Phrases, let’s examine this old warhorse, if you’ll pardon the pun: “Freedom isn’t free”. Wow, snappy, huh? I wonder how many post-it notes and crayons they went through scribbling that one, what with all the rough drafts and all? Hmmm…so freedom isn’t free? Then what is it, exactly? A pay-as-you-go plan? A rent-to-own thing? Ah! No, I’ve got it! It’s a payday loan! I knew I’d figure it out!

Yes, yes, I know what they mean. This one is always trotted out when the U.S. is discussing yet another episode of mass slaughter in the vast charnel house they call the Pentagon. I read the phrase just yesterday in a “letter to the editor” on the opinion page of the local paper. Freedom isn’t free, you guys! That’s why we need to attack Iran! That’s why we need to attack, uh, well, those people over there with unusualtoo hard to sell, though. People would ask what this Freedom Permit costs and when you told them the price was their kids coming home in a flag-draped casket, they’d give you the high hat, for sure. But let the government suggest it, they’ll all but sign up their kids their own selves. In fact, if parents had the ability to enlist their kids into the military, it’d look like a 3am Black Friday line outside the Big Box store with the only electronic games in town.

So, here we go again, folks. Freedom isn’t free. Of course, one notices the children of Senators and Congressmen (not to mention Presidents) somehow get the bargain rates on that. They must get their freedom from the 99 Cents stores. I looked there and couldn’t find any freedom. But I found some great sandals! Ah, well, those sandals will carry me further than this government will, I’ll say that for them. Say, who’s got the Freedom fries? I just got some fried chicken the United States lost an entire infantry division to secure.