I’m Hillificent Clonebama

Do any of you believe that politicians write their own speeches? Their own books? Their own blogs? If so, please contact me if you’d like to buy the Golden Gate Bridge. I’ll sell it to you on a subprime mortgage or using Fannie Mac or Freddie Mae or whatever those places are with oatmeal-poundingly stupid names. I always thought Freddie Mac was a song from the early 1960s. And Fannie Mae sounds like that weird aunt that collects commemorative plates of United States presidents from late night TV infomercials. She says, “I’ll leave them to you in my will…” Thanks. I’ll serve pinto beans on them. We can break the wind to the tune of The Star Spangled Banner. Let Papa Jack help you to understand the nature or political speech and the market for it.

You see, it’s a well-established fact that dung has always been worth money. Bat guano, for example, has always been a lucrative business, as is the excrement of seabirds. They’re valuable fertilizers for growing vegetables. The same is true of political speech. Of the same inherent nature as bat guano, it is valuable for growing vegetables, er, voters. Or, rather, voters to come vote. So they hope. But this is not the crap that is mined or gathered into bags, so to speak. It is written by the “hired guns” of the scribe world, that is ghost writers. Sometimes, entire marketing departments exist with the sole purpose to write “The Audacity of Nonsense” and “Dreams From My Campaign Manager” and so forth.Look in the newspaper. See these articles that seem to be somewhat biased towards Hillary? That’s because her PR firm or that of the Democratic Party wrote it and sent it out on the wire where press agencies picked it up gratis and printed it. See these articles talking about how invincible and powerful our military is? Yes, the Pentagon wrote that themselves or hired someone to write it. Because you’re sitting there and wondering how on Earth any of this is possible, right? Well, pick up your shovel and just ladle it on the rose beds because that’s what it is.

I’ve always told you: Always Assume It’s A Scam. Because it is. These politicians say what is written for them. The Pentagon and the government tells you what they want you to believe. To make sure you believe it, they make sure it isn’t seen as coming from them, but from the good old newspaper. The Soviets had Pravda and people bought it because the paper was thin enough to roll tobacco in for cigarettes. We have an allegedly privately-owned media, but it still prints propaganda because it’s free and it helps the profit margin to do that. And you’re never told that this war being sold to us is being hyped up from articles the United States military wrote.

If you believe these elections are not a sham written like a script, I’ll sell you the Golden Gate Bridge. If you believe our wars are not engineered in advance and then sold to us once they’ve decided to go ahead and start them, then I’ll sell you the Statue of Liberty. And I’ll also sell you the Constitution because the United States government is obviously not using it anymore.

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