Messieurs, Ship Some Burkinis Over Here

SANDY HOOK, N.J.—I need some French gendarmes in riot gear out here at Gunnison Beach.

Can we borrow some?

It’s hard to find any American police officers who will walk up to sunbathing women and make aggressive comments about their body—and for good reason. They’re gonna get a verbal smackdown, not just from the lady in question, but from any female within earshot.

Oh, sure, we’ve got the Thong Police in Myrtle Beach, where the delicate souls on the city council have outlawed any garment that makes more than 51 percent of the bewtock visible. But those cops are fresh-faced Boy Scouts in Bermuda shorts on three-wheelers who mostly just have to carry plenty of plastic wrist restraints, since the thong-wearing beach babes of South Carolina, some of them outweighing the cop by a hundred pounds, are almost always guaranteed to put up a fight.

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