Beware the Car Options
Whatever their failings, machines generally don’t second-guess you. Turn them on, turn them off. Point them in a certain direction. Command them to move or spin or do whatever it is they were made to do and – assuming they are not broken – they will usually do it.
And won’t try to nudge you to do what they think is best.
Electronic gadgets, on the other hand . . . .
They pre-empt and nudge. Do things you didn’t ask them to – and won’t do things you want them to. They turn on – and off- at random, according to their own lights. They are not broken, either.
Which means, of course, they can’t be fixed.
They seem to literally have a mind of their own – and in a very real sense, they do. They are programmed to guess/intuit/anticipate your needs – whether you need them to or not.
It is like having an insolent intern or personal assistant who is useful to you in some ways but an aneurism-inducing aggravation in other ways. And unlike the intern or PA – whom you can fire and replace with a more deferential one who actually does do what you ask without giving you lip or funny looks or unsanctioned advice – and doesn’t do things you didn’t ask them to – electronic gadgets are pretty much all the same. In particular, their annoying penchant to pre-empt; to nudge you along certain pathways of the software’s – that is, the programmer’s – choosing.
Always because the programmer has decided it’s good for you.
To – in a very real way – parent you.
It most definitely isn’t a master-servant relationship, as it ought to be. As it was, with machines.
And it is spreading.
Apple announced the other day that the next iPhone will lock you out whenever your car is moving. No texting, either sending or receiving. Nor swiping or tapping, either.
For your saaaaaaaaaaaafety, of course.
Just like the saaaaaafety features built into the latest cars that lock you out of many of the “infotainment” features while the car is moving.
Also for saaaaaaaaaaafety.
And automatically – parentally – mute or turn down the volume of the radio whenever the car’s transmission is put into Reverse. Or refuse to allow you to turn off the traction control. Flashes a red light at you when you exceed the speeeeeeeeed limit (yes, really).
And more.
Apples’ new “feature” – as it is being marketed – will be built into iOS 11, the latest software for their sail fawns. This will spread, as it always does. You will not be able to say No Thanks.
Your sail fawn has decided that you are not capable of safely answering a call or sending a text while driving. Because some people cannot. The people who can’t handle a car regardless.
But it will peremptorily assault you in the middle of night, while you are trying to sleep, with a piercing Amber Alert – about a disappeared kid 50 miles away that you can do precisely zero to assist. What are you supposed to do? Put on a fire hat and run outside and look for the kid?
You cannot delete Amber Alert, either. Or even turn it off.
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