On the Road With Hillary

Just when I thought an American presidential campaign couldn’t be kicked off any dumber, Hillary Clinton went and proved me wrong. Hillary has taken to the great American highway in a minivan for a whistle-stop tour to spread the word to the American people. At first I thought this was some kind of a prank, but then I saw she’s already started. What is this, Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters? Yeah, well, you’ll need to take the “electric Kool-Aid acid test” to believe the crap she’s selling. Hey Hillary, if you want to see how the American people really live, you’re in the wrong vehicle. Try a beat-up 15 year old car with broken air conditioning, a dented fender, faded paint, and one window duct-taped shut. Make sure it doesn’t have a broken tail-light so you don’t get stopped and shot by the cops.

Hillary isn’t driving this van, because she admits she hasn’t driven since 1996. Why is that? Because the American taxpayers have had to pay someone to drive her around since 1996. I would imagine that includes trips to the store for Metamucil, cigars for Bill, and copies of “Deleting Emails For Dummies”. Yet, you think you know what it’s like for two working people to have to share one car for two jobs, get groceries, and run errands, Hillary? I know, I know, we’re supposed to think this is cute. That’s where you’re wrong, Hillary. Kittens are cute, baby squirrels are cute, but not politicians. Baby reptiles are never cute, nor do they get cuter with age. They only get deadlier with age as far as venomous snakes go. And the Foggy Bottom Pit Viper has always been one of the deadliest.

Hillary said she wants to get in touch with “everyday Americans”. Yeah, well, I suggest you come out here, Hillary. Check out the aging mobile homes with tires on the roof to keep it on during high winds. “Oh, let’s stop there! There’s a car in the yard! They must be home!” No, they’re not. They’re both at work using one car and taking turns as to who gets the car that day and who gets dropped off and waits to be picked up. That car you see in the yard is broke down and they can’t afford to fix it. But your former boss Obama said those folks could afford a monthly health insurance bill, didn’t he? But they better buy it if they don’t want to get robbed on their tax return. And you think you know how the rest of us live because you’re riding in a minivan, Hillary? You’re as bad as Gwyneth Paltrow who thinks she knows how we eat because she ate $29 worth of vegetarian burritos for a week. Are you scouring the floorboards of that minivan to find a nickel because you need it to afford a bag of chips for lunch on this travel, Hillary? Somehow I doubt it.

You gotta love these people. First we had ol’ Gwyneth finding out how we eat, now we’ve got Hillary finding out how we drive and live. These are nothing but Potemkin Village style publicity stunts. Excuse me, make that Potemkin Strip Malls or Potemkin Suburbs. This is the nonsense we always hear come election season. And I say “election season” the same way I say “flu season” or “hay fever season” because the physical discomfort is quite similar. Yeah, they want to help “everyday Americans”, they say. Right. Yeah, toppling the government of Libya really helped me out! Didn’t it help you guys? Maybe now those Libyan government officials won’t raise our taxes. And, jeepers, isn’t it swell the Cold War is back and we’re all back on the targeting grid for Russian ICBMs? Gee, Wally, that sure was swell of them to include us in their McArmageddon for the New American Century.

I trust that Hillary won’t be passing through many Eastern cities that look like Berlin circa 1945. No, I’m sure she’ll be passing through quaint, picturesque little burgs that evoke a Norman Rockwell painting. That’s the desired effect of propaganda such as this. See, I live in a region where the “mystique” of Route 66 is very much alive as nostalgic Americana. Yeah, the “Mother Road” and all that hoo-ha. Forget all the Dust Bowl refugees limping along in battered old heaps to hopefully pick fruit in California and not a dime in their pocket for food. So I’m familiar with how the mythology doesn’t always reflect the reality and the reality gets painted over with unwarranted fondness. But this is the mythology that politicians like Hillary are trying to evoke here with this alleged concern for “everyday Americans”. That is, after all, why she chose to hit the actual road in reality using a car she thinks those “everyday Americans” drive. But if there are any economic refugees on that road, she will choose not to see them unless they cheer her on. But why would they? We’ve had a Democrat in office for eight years now. He OWNS this failed economy now and she will inherit it.

I imagine that various tourist traps along her route will soon be selling “Hillary Road Tour” souvineers and keychains, just as nearly every tourist trap out here in Arizona sells the same Route 66 tchotchkes and knick-knacks. But Interstate 40 bypassed old Route 66 quite some time ago and many once vibrant towns along the old route now lay dying in a state of semi-arrested decay, bypassed by I-40. Monuments to times and places that were. Towns like Holbrook and Winslow, with shuttered motels, derelict cafes, and long-abandoned gas stations. Much like the world is passing America by while America still bankrupts itself with pointless wars and self-destructive militarism. Pointless wars and self-destructive militarism that Hillary has not only been a big part of while in the Obama Administration, but will continue should she be elected as president. Yeah, Hillary, it may be morning in America. But no one’s got enough in their pockets for a cup of coffee. You can’t tax-and-spend us out of that one.