Phony Tears

From the gospel according to Woodrow, chapter 11:

17 On his arrival, Barack found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.

21 “Lord,” Martha said to Barack, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.

23 Barack said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

32 When Mary reached the place where Barack was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

33 When Barack saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.

“Come and see, lord,” they replied.

35 Barack wept (after first confirming that Lazarus wasn’t a victim of death-by-drone in Pakistan, in which case Barack would have ordered a double-tap).

That pretty much covers the salvation-by-state that was on display with Obama’s pronouncements on January 5 regarding new proposals meant to curb “gun violence” (not my term…).

Following is a sampling of the various proposals.  Keep in mind: these apply to gun sales by persons in the United States to persons in the United States.  They do not apply to guns sales by Americans to persons in Syria, Iraq, Libya, Afghanistan, or any other country in the world.

Directs the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF) to require any business that engages in the sale of guns to obtain a federal license to do so and conduct background checks.

Requires the ATF Bureau to issue a rule requiring background checks for purchasers of certain dangerous firearms and other items who purchase them through a trust, corporation or other legal entity.

Encourages greater communications between federal and state authorities on criminal history information.

Instructs the FBI to overhaul the background check system to make it more efficient and accurate.

Proposes a $500 million investment to increase access to mental health care by increasing service capacity and the behavioral health workforce.

If you want to avoid this hassle, there are several overseas locations to which you can relocate where you must then promise to be a moderate terrorist.  After this, you will have access to an armory of weapons not available to you in any retail establishment in the United States.

Reprinted with permission from Bionic Mosquito.

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