We All Need a Big Laugh Right Now

Okay, so, my last two articles have been kind of heavy. I think we could all use a great laugh right now. So, okay, the global economy. I see this whole Brexit thing and everyone is freaking out. I thought Brexit was some kind of new men’s cologne or something. Then I saw this. Wow, so Britain really pulled out of the European Union? And now every stock market is acting like it’s the Great Depression worldwide. Come on, man, I can smell this scam coming a mile away. Oh, wait, this is our European brethren talking: I can smell this scam a kilometer away.

Let me guess. I would suppose at some point world banks are going to start whining about needing bailouts from various governments, including the United States government who never met a banking scam they couldn’t crawl into bed with along with a box of ding-dongs called the Congress. Huh, and, what, I’m supposed to be frightened by this whole stock market tumble? What’s going to happen to me? They’re going to come get my walking staff, canteen, and haversack? Hey, you clowns are welcome to inspect them. You won’t find any cash or stocks in them. I haven’t got any stocks to take a crap on me. So, really, I couldn’t care less except to find entertainment in the whole spectacle.

“What if the whole economic system collapses?! What then?!” What then? I say cheers and laughter, for starters. After that, we can put the bankers leaping out of Wall Street windows on television as the reality show I think everyone’s really been waiting for. Let it collapse. That’ll give us something to stand up and cheer about. I think I could write a script for it: “See the motion picture that’ll warm the hearts of the entire family! You’ve seen the Bailouts, now come see “Death Of An Economic System”. You’ll stand up and cheer!” I know I would. I mean, really people, is this a slow news day or something? These economic disasters are easier to predict than hot weather out here in summer.

Current Prices on popular forms of Gold Bullion

If people think this economic system truly works, then how is it this happens? Excuse me, but these are the so-called “movers and shakers” of the world economic machine. Yeah, well, let them move and shake THIS, I say. I couldn’t care what happens to the European Union, or the United States of America, too, for that matter. Both of them are too big for their britches and it’s time for the world to have some closure on the both of them and move on. “It’s been nice, but I need some space…” I mean, we’ve been seeing these things happen on and off for, what, twenty years now? Various “bubbles” and “booms”. Sounds more like a kid’s water park to me, than anything to call an economic system.

Truthfully, I hope this whole thing mushrooms into epic proportions and no government can save them. I think it’d be hilarious if the United States had to come out and admit what we all know: That what we call “trillions of dollars in cash” doesn’t actually exist and it’s all just numbers on a computer spreadsheet. I think it would be the greatest comedy ever to see all these Federal Reserve officials and Wall Street belly crawlers all sitting up there crapping their drawers as if the rest of us really care. The only thing I’m interested in about it is the entertainment factor. I mean, if the economy took a major dump (again), it’s one more nail in the coffin of this pathetic system.

Huh, they call this an economic system? Based upon what? Happy Meal toys? Various electronic devices people sit plugged into all day like electric air fresheners that occasionally need to eat and procreate? What is this so-called economic system based upon? The Euro? I saw one of those coins on the sidewalk here two weeks ago. I thought it was something valuable, like a keychain or a Chuck E. Cheese Pizza-Time Theater token. I could have used that. But, alas, it was a Euro and I dropped it back to the ground. And wiped my hand, of course. You never know where a Euro has been. Or where it comes from. Neither does the European Union, evidently.

Remember back when the Europeans were sitting there at 9.8 on the Smugness Richter scale and thought this whole European Union thing would be the greatest thing since cheaply-paid immigrant labor sequestered in slums they could control? Right, so, what happened to the tough guys? See, what they failed to remember is the bigger you make government and the economy it’s the Siamese Twin of, the harder it falls down and goes boom, er, bust. There is nothing more satisfactory than seeing all these well-dressed weenies sitting there sweating Euros. Well, there is something more satisfactory, and that is American well-dressed weenies doing the same. Schadenfreude, here we come!

As if any of this concerns any of us that have seen through the scam. Those big governments and big economies are just a collection of idiots revolving around worthless currency that honestly isn’t backed by anything of tangible value. In a very real sense, Chuck E. Cheese tokens are worth more than Euros or dollars because they’re backed by game-playing. So, hey, they’re honest about the nature of their play money. And besides all of that, Chuck E. Cheese has better pizza than the government, too. I think we should replace Uncle Sam with Chuck E. Cheese and use the tokens as our currency. That way, when the country goes belly-up, at least we can go play Joust or whatever.

I think we’ll be hearing about this for days until some bailout is made manifest for these clods. They’ll do the usual threatening and economic hostage-holding until they get their way. “If you don’t give us a ten trillion bailout, you won’t see this economy alive again!” So? Go ahead and shoot the economy. I don’t care. You can hold the economy hostage for the next decade and I’m not seeing the reason to give up a single dime. Not a flippin’ dime.

Huh, yeah, the world economy is in trouble. Blah, blah, blah, blah…

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